June 21, 2010
Random Maternal Instincts
For all who know me (save one or two friends who are still delusional about the state of my mind when it comes to children), having kids has never been a sure thing for me. In fact, many would say that I made up my mind a long time ago to never have kids. The truth has always been somewhere in the middle of the ABSOLUTELY and NEVER scale. Though I’ll admit at times it waned more on the NEVER side of the scale, I have never seen it as a “No, absolutely not” set in concrete decision.
Lately though, I’ve been having more and more moments of “maybe I could and would actually do this whole parenthood thing.” Today, while reading a blog post by an old acquaintance, who is preparing for her and her husband’s first child, I had one such moment. Perhaps this was partially spurred by the fact that yesterday was a day dedicated to the Father folks and as such, I spent part of the day remembering and being grateful for the amazing, wonderful father I have had. This all got me to thinking about why these moments seem to happen more and more frequently.
This is the conclusion I’ve come to… I’ve finally found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I want to share my memories with. The man I want to build a home with. I realized that the thought of creating a life with my soon-to-be husband (I shall henceforth be referring to my beloved simply as “G”… ) doesn’t scare me, in fact, it excites me, just a little bit. There are still so many things about being a parent that I’m not sure I could handle, and I’m certainly not looking to make a decision on the matter any time in the near future (read: next several years) if for no other reason than I want to have time for just me and G before we bring any kids into the mix. But the point is, more and more I’m seeing the blessing side of having a child. Creating a life that is half you and half the person you love (with a lot of help from above…) sounds pretty dang cool. It helps a lot that I see in G the ability to be an amazing, loving father; just like my dad was and is. I’m beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, together we could survive the parenthood gig; he could help to curb my neurotic, worrisome tendencies, and I could help manage nutrition when he’s fed the kids far too much candy and not enough no vegetables.
It’s an interesting thought, and maybe someday in the distant future it’ll be more than just a thought… but for now… I’m going to focus on what table cloths to use at our wedding reception. Seems a bit easier…
Letters to Half a World Away 
tabbi said,
June 29, 2010 at 12:12 PM
Why don’t we just have one and pass it off between us? That sounds like less work.